knock it off with the naked indian people are starting to talk [entries|friends|calendar] derek [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[08 Jun 2008|11:58pm] [ mood | depressed ] i hate my life chelsee bolivar lies idk what to believe right now i love her so much but i am in such a bad position now cause nothjing makes sense anymore and i know nobody reads this so its a good place for me to vent without any problems haha i guess. wtf kadskjsakjlsdaklasdkjladkjladlkads;djska;ldjsakl;djsakldsjakl;dsajk;dsajl; i love her so much i got soul crushed soooo bad im awesome

[24 Oct 2007|12:54am] so its been ages since ive written in this thing or even acknowledged its existence. life is going down hill basically i dont think im doing too great in school, im pushing the one person i love off the face of the earth and my dad has cancer. I really wish i could tell you why everything is going bad i wish i could. im sure nobody even knows this thing is still around but i just wish i could tell kelly how i really felt. I may not be the best person as a matter of a fact im probably thee most selfish punk kid who ever walked the planet. I destroyed my own relationship with the most wonderful person on the planet. She means everything to me and the only thing that ever made sense in my life she was my rock my anchor my first and only true love. The truth is i lied cheated and destroyed. Who knows why i had such an dwindling desire to do so i sure dont, i just wanted to love and protect her. I hope she would someday be able to forgive me cause i know deep inside right now she doesnt. she wont even talk to me or even acknowledge me. I LOVE HER and i truthfully want to die. i deserve to die for the sins ive committed. who knows maybe this will be a last post for me a last for a lot of things i just cant handle the way things are going right now, im not a happy person anymore. im awesome

my last field band performance :( [08 Dec 2006|10:35pm] 4agree that im awesome

[28 Jun 2006|11:34pm] i know i havent been the most appreciative but i hope she knows how much she means to me im awesome

[17 Apr 2006|09:41am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | jefferson airplane - stop children whats that sound ] KEllY Bang is the most loveliest girl in the whole world but she can be a bit sill sometimes :P and she also writes obscene things in my journals when im not on it. 2agree that im awesome

[29 Mar 2006|10:17pm] i work at subway. i need to update this more. and i like to ignore my girlfriend a lot. 2agree that im awesome

[16 Mar 2006|10:56pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | deep purple - child in time ] tomorrow may be a joyus day for the most of ou but its a sad time for a few. as tomorrow comes lingering the pain shoots again giving rebirth to the pain that has once left. like opening an unbegotten scar which took so long to heal but alass it is a time to rejoice not to mourn for she wants us to be happy and for long she lives and high shy flies we will no longer mourn for her but celebrate for she is now a saint we miss you amanda. Rip Amanda Lee Carnahan may 5, 1987 - may 17, 2005 2agree that im awesome

[09 Mar 2006|10:25pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | deep purple - hush ] so yea i got a job the other day just now need to show up for it to get my schedual an stuff its going to be fun i guess making money and all! i also applied for subway too! haha well i just thought id tell all yall this even though i have started a short assurgetn use of this thing still no one will reply cause i havent been on here in ages! except for my boo :P i love you kelly bang! 2agree that im awesome

why do i seem to get myself into these kind of messes [02 Mar 2006|10:53pm] [ mood | depressed ] today seemed quite ordinary woke up fell out of bed i was a bit late as usual and so i rushed out the door without calling the love of my life which bummed me out so i called her during passing period of second and the day went on as usual. well skip forwards till like a few minutes ago where i started talking to my friend charlie and on the topic of deleting his myspace friends and i told him the story of my GF telling me to delete alot of people and i understood why she wanted me too and me being the stupid jerk that i am sometimes. i wrote a litle message to my friend about it and yes it was kinda badly portraying her and i kept on talking to him then on aim for the rest. i just wish i could talk to her i know she doesnt want anything to do with me but i just wish she could understand how much i do love her she has been the only girl i ever have. the things i feel when im just with her is undescribeable and yet i always seem to come round in full cirle forever entailing my mindless acts of idiocy. I just hope that she would someday forgive me for this and if she ever does ill be here waiting cause there is no other that is for me. I have loved and lost i truly am sorry for ever hurting her. 1agree that im awesome

[08 Jun 2005|10:43pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | pink floyd - hey you ] I like doing the dance for Thriller especially with a tuba on cause it just looks silly especially when theres 6 of us doing it 1agree that im awesome

im back niggs [30 May 2005|12:05pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | pink floyd - shine on you crazy dimond pt 1-5 ] wow ive been on the biggest hieatus from this thing i guess it was well needed well lets recapp on what happened for the last few months: well my band won my schools talents show soo now we use the title "the sd live winning band Astronomy Domine is playing at ... The roxy the whiskey etc.." its a pretty good way to advertise your band haha well sad to say im pretty sure my band is through the only ones that actually cared about the music was me an my friend david and well without the rest of the band we are like doomed to fail. Ive been listening to toooo much pink floyd but i cant help it i love em. Im a chain smoker i like my whiskey straight no chaser bullshit and i make cool noises with my guitar and turn my amp up to ten soo everyone can hear it. ive gotten complaints from neighbors about bands playing in my house ... well theyre are wrong you dumb cunts! its me and only me i hate my naighhbors theyre dick heads they called the cops on me an my sis saying we were having a wild party and drinking an smoking and well when the cop came 3 30 in the afternoon on a wednesday all he found was my sister and her friend screaming at the soap opera on the telly and me upstairs sleeping. i mean wtf its 3 30 in the afternoon! they didnt call the police that saturday night when we had like a million people drunk and stoned off their asses stummbling every where making loud noises. 1agree that im awesome

[21 Mar 2005|09:01pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Bob dylan - forever young ] i dont think ive ever been sadder in my life the realization that ur attending a funeral.. the first one of my life will be for one of my best friends (my sis and amanda) i love you amanda so much. and i will miss you wiht all my heart. its so sad that you just turned 18. 18!!!! and u were living such a promising life why did it have to be you... of all people. why you... why why why why!!!? .. god. i miss you so much who's bobble head am i gonna wake up in AP gov? who is gonna plan our trip to europe?? ..whos gonna make us laugh doin sexy things !? god. being @ the place you died. was so heard i fell to my knees begging for you to come back im still waiting for you to burst thru the doors and tell us its all a joke! its all for fun... all for shits n giggles. altho i know your not comin back.. so many memories.. and no more to make with you.. i miss you and i want you to come back my heart hurts so bad right now you were such a beautiful person. i couldnt pick a person more undeserving and watching your dad cry!? .. hes always been so strong.. the sturdy one dont worry tho. the girls and i are gonna take care of your mommy and papa..and lil jessica.. in loving memory of Amanda Lee "the Beast" Carnahan march 5,1987 - march 17,2005 10agree that im awesome

[08 Feb 2005|09:34pm] well my best friend is gone... he got taken away. taken to utah to a bording school.They just took him away over night over a few a spand of a few hours he had dissapeared. The very night before we were out partying having a good time it was like every other weekend it was all hunky dory but then we dropped him off to go sleep away the night. Well at this point its just a mixture of what he said happened mixed with what i know. Well he was woken up by two people telling him that he is coming with them to UTAH. on monday i gave him the tribute he would of wanted to recieve a tribute done tha gangster way. i got some soda gave a shout saying his is for my homie who cant be here and that it was for zeppy( my friends nick name). i then formally poured some on the floor then realizing that its jose (zeppy) hes probably stoned an thirsty so i poured some more for him. closed it with a peace love and rock n roll then today i skated for zeppy i did all his favorite tricks most of wich i have learned just for him ZEPPY you gotta breaki outta that bording school an a start walkin an if your already morman by now then bike here peace love and rock n roll 2agree that im awesome

[23 Jan 2005|11:09pm] <td bgcolor="red"> You Are Whole Lotta Love You are interested in 2 things in this world: Love and sex. You are a complete romantic (and probably a big whore.) You just want to be loved. You really value your friends and your family, but more than anything, you value your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/person you are stalking. You don't necessarily value yourself very much, but it's ok because you will find someone else to value you. Sad, but you're oblivious, so it doesn't matter. Take the Which Led Zeppelin Song Are You? Quiz 1agree that im awesome

[18 Jan 2005|03:27pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | pink floyd- comfortably numb ] Eclipse All that you touch All that you see All that you taste All you feel All that you love All that you hate All you distrust All you save All that you give All that you deal All that you buy beg, borrow or steal All you create All you destroy All that you do All that you say All that you eat everyone you meet All that you slight everyone you fight All that is now All that is gone All thats to come and everything under the sun is in tune but the sun is eclipsed by the moon. im awesome

[29 Dec 2004|07:47pm] [ mood | shocked ] [ music | pink floyd - eclipse ] worst way to end a pretty good year. christmas was pretty crappy cause my mother was yelling at me like no other on christmas morning soo i just walked off from her and was like i dont have to take this shit. soo i ended up not going to her house to eat dinner an i spent it alone at my house. then today i went to go meet up with my friend adrianna down in west covina and we hung out an what not an wen i was heading towards the bus stop i was approached by this big mexican essay dude an hes like yo where you going an i was like just goin home brah. and then next thing you know im on the fuckin floor in the street. people onlookin an not helping then the pain kicked in i stood up an the mexican guy was like speak the fuck up lil bitch an then he starts chasin after me an im fuckin running cause im a small guy compared this guy and hes screamin imma have fun beatin the fuck outta you and im yelling theres a fiuckin crazy bitch after me an people do is just watch completely dumbfounded an utterly and completely ignoring what i was saying just because they didnt want to help all in all i got away. nearly blacked out at the bus stop got on the bus an went home told my sis what happened an pft an got a simple responce of your an idiot. ive never been hit in the face before let alone fought anyone in my lifetime ive never had a reason too. 8agree that im awesome

[12 Dec 2004|11:33pm] Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed Talk and song from tongues of lilting grace, whose sounds caress my ear But not a word I heard could I relate, the story was quite clear Oh, oh. Oh, I been flying... mama, there ain't no denyin' I've been flying, ain't no denyin', no denyin' All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land Trying to find, trying to find where I've been. Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon, I will return again Sure as the dust that floats high in June, when movin' through Kashmir. Oh, father of the four winds, fill my sails, across the sea of years With no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear p.s i have a D+ in english booo to mr daniels i hate you and your soo called english class pfft it aint no eng class is a computers class and all we do is work fuckin comps all day ive learned nothing im failing all youlit. tests cause i dont know jack shit bout what your talking bout... hope you get fired 3agree that im awesome

[26 Nov 2004|08:49pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | watchin mr deeds ] havent wrote in here in a while umm yea well cause nothings been happening ... i ate alot yesterday that was fun... wow not a very intresting entry. all ive got to say is kelly is the greatest and i love her soo :) 2agree that im awesome

[05 Nov 2004|10:44pm] man once again random moments of band had pretty much made my week. my tuba section leader had challenged this other student im not sure who he was but he was a jock an they both danced rediculously soo they were a perfect match but ofcoarse scott(tuba section leader)was the better one.well ofcourse we chanted on sott but a few people like my gf was chanting on the other kid who cleeeeearly lost. ps. people interruptin at the mooost innapropriate times 6agree that im awesome

[28 Oct 2004|08:54pm] uhh yea im not sure about how to post communities but here join this succkas teenageheads 1agree that im awesome

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